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Rules for dating my daughter...

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you wan t to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features c hain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bri ng my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

"Everybody Has to Cross the River"

This is an IQ test given to job applicants in Japan.

The IQ test rules are:
1. Only 2 persons on the raft at a time
2. The father can not stay with any of the daughters without their mother's presence
3. The mother can not stay with any of the sons without their father's presence
4. The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member if the Policeman is not there
5. Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft
6. To move the people click on them.
7. To move the raft click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.

To start, click on blue circle. Take the IQ test now: I.Q. Test

Clock Creek CabinLairdland FarmCornersville, TN

THE OLD PATHS

I liked the old paths, when
Moms were at home.
Dads were at work.! .
Brothers went into the army.
And sisters got married BEFORE having children!
Crime did not pay;
Hard work did;
And people knew the difference.
Moms could cook;
Dads would work;
Children would behave..
Husbands were loving;
Wives were supportive;
And children were polite.
Women wore the jewelry;
And Men wore the pants.
Women looked like ladies;
Men looked like gentlemen;
And children looked decent.
People loved the truth,
And hated a lie;
They came to church to get IN,
Not to get OUT!
Hymns sounded Godly;
Sermons sounded helpful;
Rejoicing sounded normal;
And crying sounded sincere.
Cursing was wicked;
Drinking was evil;
And divorce was unthinkable.
The flag was ! honored ;
America was beautiful;
And God was welcome!
We read the Bible in public;
Prayed in school;
And preached from house to house
To be called an American was worth dying for;
To be called a Christian was worth living for;
To be called a traitor was a shame!
Sex was a personal word.
Homosexual was an unheard of word,
And abortion was an illegal word.
Preachers preached because they had a message;
And Christians rejoiced because they had the VICTORY!
Preachers preached from the Bible;
Singers sang from the heart;
And sinners turned to the Lord to be SAVED!
A new birth meant a new life;
Salvation meant a changed life! ;
Following Christ led to eternal life.
Being a preacher meant you proclaimed the word of God;
Being a deacon meant you would serve the Lord;
Being a Christian meant you would live for Jesus;
And being a sinner meant someone was praying for you!
Laws were based on the Bible;
Homes read the Bible;
And churches taught the Bible.
Preachers were more interested in new converts,
Than new clothes and new cars.
God was worshiped;
Christ was exalted;
And the Holy Spirit was respected.
Church was where you found Christians
On the Lord's day, rather than in the garden,
On the creek bank, on the golf course,
Or being entertained somewhere else.
I still like the old paths the best !

Ode To An Old Dude

Steve and Vonda Adopt Jack

We're Going to Russia?!?!

Slideshow of Our Fall Day on the Farm

The Farm

He Is God

He is the First and Last,The Beginning that will never end!

He is the keeper of Creation and the Creator of all!He is the Architect of the universe and the Manager of all times.He always was, He always is, and He always will be ...unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone!

He was bruised and brought healing!He was pierced and eased pain!He was persecuted and brought freedom!He was dead and brought life!He is risen and brings power!He reigns and brings Peace!The world can't understand him,The armies can't defeat Him,The schools can't explain Him, and The leaders can't ignore Him.Herod couldn't kill Him, The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him, and The people couldn't hold Him!Nero couldn't crush Him, Hitler couldn't silence Him,The New Age can't replace Him, and "Oprah" can't explain Him away!

He is light, love, longevity, and Lord.He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God.He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure.

His ways are right,His word is eternal,His will is unchanging, and His mind is on me.He is my Savior,He is my guide, and He is my peace!He is my Joy,He is my comfort,He is my Lord, and He rules my life!

I serve Him because His bond is love,His burden is light, and His goal for me is abundant life.

I follow Him because He is the wisdom of the wise,the power of the powerful, the ancient of days, the ruler of rulers, the leader of leaders, the overseer of the overcomers, and is to come. And if that seems impressive to you, try this for size.

His goal is a relationship with ME!He will never leave me,never forsake me,never mislead me,never forget me,never overlook me andnever cancel my appointment in His appointment book!

When I fall, He lifts me up!When I fail, He forgives!When I am weak, He is strong!When I am lost, He is the way!When I am afraid, He is my courage!When I stumble, He steadies me!When I am hurt, He heals me!When I am broken, He mends me!When I am blind, He leads me!When I am hungry, He feeds me!When I face trials, He is with me!When I face persecution, He shields me! When I face problems, He comforts me!When I face loss, He provides for me!When I face Death, He carries me Home!

He is everything for everybody everywhere, every time, and every way.

He is God, He is faithful. I am His, and He is mine!

My Father in heaven can whip the father of this world.So, if you're wondering why I feel so secure, understand this...

He said it and that settles it.God is in control, I am on His side,and that means all is well with my soul.

Everyday is a blessing for GOD Is!

Confederate Soldiers Grave

http://www.rootsweb.com/~tnsmith/cempics/confedgrave.htm

Life on the Farm

Michael Jordan vs Nashville Xpress

Jordan Hitting At a .333 Clip Published: April 25, 1994
Michael Jordan extended his hitting streak to 11 games today, going 1 for 3 in the Birmingham Barons' 5-3 loss to the Nashville Xpress in the Southern League. Jordan had an infield single in the fourth inning. The former basketball star is batting .333, with 15 hits in 45 at-bats, for the White Sox's Class AA team. As a right fielder, Jordan is errorless in 17 chances.
On Saturday, Jordan went 2 for 5 with 2 runs batted in in the Barons' 9-4 victory over the Xpress.

1940 NASHVILLE VOLS (101-47)

In the 60-year history of the Southern Association, only a bare handful of clubs crossed the 100-win barrier. One of these select few played in 1940. This team, located in the league’s northernmost city, had the benefit of being piloted by the greatest manager in the annals of Southern Association history.

1980 NASHVILLE SOUNDS (97 - 46)

The Nashville Sounds of 1980, one of only two modern Southern League entrants on the top 100 list, was led by a pair of future major league managers. During the campaign, one did his job from the bench while the other contributed from the plate. Ten years later, one succeeded the other as manager for the same big league club

Greer Stadium

Beautifully engraved certificate from the Vols, Inc. issued in 1959. This historic document has an ornate border around it with a vignette of the company's name. This item has the signatures of the Company's President, Herschel Lynn Greer and Secretary, Eddy Arnold and is over 46 years old.In 1901, while baseball was still in its infancy, minor league baseball came Nashville in the form of the Nashville Vols. The Vols were inaugural members of the Southern Association.Herschel Lynn Greer, Sr. (1906-1976). Born in Dickson County, Tennessee, Greer made his mark in the financial business when he co-organized Guaranty Mortgage Company in 1940 and served as President and Chairman of the Board until 1969. Mr. Greer was an avid baseball fan and one of the organizers of Vols, Inc., a corporation organized to keep baseball in Nashville. He headed the drive to sell stock in Vols, Inc. (in which there were 4876 stockholders). He served as the first president of the Nashville Vols, which was successful in retaining a baseball club in Nashville for several years. In 1978, the city of Nashville and Sounds president Larry Schmittou posthumously honored Mr. Greer by naming the home of the Nashville Sounds "Herschel Greer Stadium."

100 Years

THE YEAR 1906
This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1906. One hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some? statistics for the Year? 190 6 :
************************************
The average life expectancy? was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
.
There were only 8,000 cars?? and only 144 miles
Of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel< /SPAN> Tower!
The average wage in was 22 cents per hour.
The average? worker made between $200 and $400 per year .
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births? took place at HOME .
Ninety percent of all? doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which
Were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used
Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from
Entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death? were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars.?
The population of Las Vegas, < /SPAN>Nevada, was only 30!!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea
Hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10? adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect ?guardian of health." ( Shocking? DUH! )
Eighteen percent of households? ?had at least
One full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE ! U.S.A. !
Now I forwarded this from someone else without typing
It myself, and sent it to you and others all over the United States,& Canada?
Possibly the world, in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.
IT STAGGERS THE MIND, EH .?

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